Scar Tissue

i am not perfect. i am an asshole, i swear alot, im rude, im a smartass, and i hate people. but im ok once you get to know me. sorry, i had to get that out of the way. moving on! im pretty sure this has happened to everyone in their lives, and to some more than others. have you ever looked forward to something so much, to only have the person you were going with bail on you? tell me, how do you feel? should you feel angry because they dont want to go or cant go? or do you feel sad because this was supposed to be a special moment thats been ruined? your left with a bitter taste in your mouth, your stomach turns into a knot, and your left with a $200 ticket that you cant refund because its concert day. the ticket and concert thing hasnt happened to me, because i would go by myself anyway, im just creepy like that. but the feeling that you got when you learned that plans were canceled, or someone didnt hold up their share of the bargain, thats what everyone feels. you, my friend, have just been let down.

being let down comes in alot of different cases and scenarios.for example, the classic "ill meet you at the movies but another person called me, so ill just stand you up" routine. that shit aint cool. or the one where you make yourself look like an ass in front of  everyone and embarrass your friends and family. all of them turn to the same feeling in the end. the hardest one to me is letting my friends down. there have been plenty of timees in my life that i felt like such an inconsiderate douche bag after realizing what i have done. i dont know what's worse. actually going through and knowingly backing out of an agreement, or facing the person after the damage has been done. i feel like complete utter shit. hands down, the most painful thing to watch for me is seeing the person i hurt act like its ok, when on the inside i see they're sad. knowing that and not being able to do anything just eats away at my soul. i fucking lose sleep over shit like this. if there is one thing ive learned about letting someone down, is that if the other person feels hurt, then they really do care about you, because they wanted you to be with them.

i feel like family members can get over it, they will love you no matter what. at least thats what i think. but if your going to do something with someone, go fucking through with it. dont leave them hanging. people have no idea the lasting damage they can do. ive lost alot of good friends because i let them down, but i never stopped caring for anyone because they let me down. shit happens in life. not everyone is as considerate as we are. why should i stop caring about you because of one incident? i am ALWAYS understanding to anyone's situation. you dont have to explain a damn thing to me. you dont have to give me an excuse. you dont wanna go, then you dont wanna go. end of story. i respect someone more if they tell me the truth than someone who makes up a lie. but back to the topic. have an open mind and an open heart, and you will never be hurt.

that knot in your stomach and the anger in your veins will go away, eventually. like forrest gump said, shit happens. i really do miss the people that ive hurt in the past, and i hope that one day they forgive me. and im sorry if ive ever done this to anyone myself. we all have good intentions when it comes to being there for someone, but to make an empty promise. its like making a deal with devil. you have everything to lose and nothing to gain. be mindful of others, because one day karma give you a left hook to eye like youve been punched by manny pacquiao, and he'll leave you looking like margarito after that fight. i hope all of you can go to sleep with this one idea in your mind: you cant live life thinking that one day, everyone will let you down.