Who cares? i do.

tonights blog may be short or really long, depending if im on a roll or not. and depends how much more Sunny Delight we have, but anyway. i was thinking today about a topic to elaborate on, and i found the perfect one. ALOT of guys can sympathize with me on this one. tonight's blog episode: when you really like a girl but she has you on the "we're just friends" status.

as im writing this, im laughing my ass off. i cant even count HOW many times this shit has happened to me. you spend your free time helping her with her problems, you stay up late at night to give her emotional support, and you her shoulder to cry on. and over time your thinking "i can make you happy". then when you ask her to be your girlfriend she just looks at you in shock and says " i thought we were just friends?". what.the.fuck. i mean, not to be rude, but all those nights when  it was just you and me, pouring our emotions out, i thought we had a fucking thing going on. thats why i thought you only came to me for help. hahaha. i always thought that was pure fucking bullshit. if there's one thing i really hate, its people wasting my time. and that shit definitely counts as wasting time.     

but im not going to lie. it feels like your being led on. why else would you just come to me? you feel used. you feel numb. you feel like a piece of your heart was ripped out of you and ran over on I-10 traffic on a monday morning. its not enjoyable. but the worst feeling of all is you just straight up feel like a dumbass. what made you think you could get with her? your not good enough for her. lever her alone. you get so shaken by the incident you dont even know if you should even talk to her again. just writing about this makes me feel like shit again. 

im starting to remember things that could have been. in high school and even a little bit now, i was always the guy that listened, and i always got my heart broken. most of the times chicks would vent to me about how much of an asshole her dude is, or how she doesnt get along with her parents. i always listened, but at the same tiime i was hoping that our relationship would be more than it was. to this day, its never happened. i did feel used, but for that moment she was talking, it wasnt about my feelings, it was about hers, and what i could do to help. i never liked openly talking about my feelings, but when you go into listning mode, you just cant help but talk freely about whats in your heart. its quite liberating actually. but when the moments over, you both never again talk about what each of you said. it stays between you both. and thats when your brain creates the illusion. you start to think you both have things in common, and that it was sort of destiny that you two would meet. reality is: im almost 75% sure she doesnt really give a fuck. thats it. you ever wonder why when shes happy she doesnt talk to you? she doesnt need you. your just a fucking tool. your pathetic piece of shit. you seriously thought you even had a chance?

ive come to considered my self a great listener now. i realized that although she may not feel the same way i do, she's still my friend and deserves my respect and compassion. to this day, ive NEVER denied a friend my help, and you can ask anyone i know if thats true or not. i realized that all women want is someone to listen to them. you dont necessarily have to say anything, but to them, you just being there listening is more than enough for them. it shows you care. and to anyone that just feels comforting, knowing that anytime your feeling down or just having a bad moment in life, you can always count on that special someone to always be there for you. sometimes you help out the person you care about more by being the "friend" rather than being the boyfriend.

Happy Endings

First off, your a nasty fuck if you thought this was the "me love you long time" kind of happy ending. but it got your attention, and its a pretty funny title for a post. That's not what i was thinking about. Far from it actually.

to be honest, i was never a fan of the typical happy ending story or movie. with the exception of Angels in the outfield, that shit made me cry.(dont judge me ok?) i felt like they werent authentic, i mean i k now movies are an escape from the real world, but half the garbage that comes out nowadays is so predictable. why even bother going to the movies anymore? you already know how its going to end. i bet you even tell the ending by just watching the freaking preview.  im getting off topic here.

all the novels and movies nowadays write about some teenage love triangle with heroin-addicticted-looking-vampires that sparkle in the sun and buff ass werewolves that talk like they havent hit puberty yet with fake as hell long hair. i guess i just have the kind of mind that likes to watch people suffer, so that makes me a sadist. sounds satanic but its not. look it up. some of my favorite movies actually have the main hero die in the end. SPOILER ALERT! DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVENT SEEN THE PROFESSIONAL WITH JEAN RENO AND NATALIE PORTMAN! in the professional, Jean Reno's charecter dies protecting natalie portman as his last great act of love and friendship while he avenges her families murder. i admit, i cried at the end (so what?! guys have feelings too...) IT MADE A GREAT MOVIE.

 in life things never come as they should, and ive learned to plan for the unexpected. you remember that boyfriend/girlfriend you thought you loved? you remember all those times you told each other that you would be together forever? how did that work out? dont worry you dont have to answer that. as much as the heart wants to believe that things will be ok, its not. ive been asked many times before why im so negative. time and time again i always give the same answer: im not negative, i just think about things in a realistic enviroment. nothing lasts forever. relationships, friendships, love, all that bullshit these "happy ending" stories teach you just ends up hurting you more. we're led to believe that everything will work out in the end, just like in the movies. guess what? this isnt a fucking movie. no one gives a damn about you or your feelings. prince charming isnt going to come to your rescue while you both ride off into a California sunset. the girl of your dreams isnt going to dump her asshole boyfriend for you. get over it.

im not trying to scare anyone into thinking that their current relationships with anyone will be going down shitter anytime soon. no. i just want everyone to realize that we wish for nearly impossible things with the grand hope that it will come true, only to be hurt and let down. you start to question your own views on different matters and you begin to even doubt your decision making skills. you become too scared to make a choice, in fear that you will feel the same pain again. it fucks you up big time. you can dream all you want for that perfect ending to your dreams, but then ask yourself, "will it really come true?". i guess the only way to find out is to experience that choice. then again, im just pointing out the flawed truth of a society gone soft. 

Swept off her feet

the last couple of days ive been thinking about a topic that i feel needs attention. Guys do not have the slightest fucking clue how to treat a woman. none. nothing. the male species has killed all dignity, respect and honor from relationships. now im no fucking Romeo, ladies man, pimp, player whatever the hell you call it, but i do know the ingredients on recipe to meeting your future wife (or getting you laid at least).

first step: guys, please stop acting like your some cocky ass player that can get any woman you want. unlees your cristiano ronaldo or a calvin klein model, that shit aint happening. be realistic. sure i want to marry sandra bullock or make out with mila kunis, but what are the chances that's gonna happen? pretty damn slim. and if you strike out with a chick you really like, its ok. it happens to everyone. there are 6 billion people in the world. trust me you'll find someone.

if your trying to impress a woman, be sure to listen to EVERY SINGLE DETAIL. if there's something ive learned, its thats listening to detail give you big clues to what she likes. for instance, she loves homemade bracelets. surprise her with one you made. or tell your little sister to make you one, either way your scoring points! they love that kind of shit..um i mean stuff.

another good thing i like to point out: be spontaneous, and she will always love you. ill use myself as an example. every other day i would write a poem to my love. no two poems were ever the same. they were simple but yet complicated enough for her to know that i actually wrote them by hand and from my heart. the reaction i got was the same one each time. take her to the park one weekend. the zoo the next. if she ever mentions a special place she goes to, take her there by surprise for an anniversary. always try to outdo yourself from the last time.

be mature. i know that every single guy does this, and we need to stop. stop checking out every single girl around you. you can do that in your own time but not while your with your lady. that shit is not cool and im pretty sure you dont want her doing the same thing to you.

for the love of god, DONT BE FUCKING JEALOUS BECAUSE SHE TALKS TO HER GUY FRIENDS. it makes you look like an inconsiderate prick when you get mad beacuse she text a guy from work. stop assuming she's fucking every guy she talks to (unless she has a history of that). let her have her space and you can have yours. it seems morre likely YOUR the one cheating on her instead of it being the other way around. shes not some piece of property that you own. let her do whatever the fuck she  wants. this problem has become more noticeable as i grew up. what i never got was how guys treat their girlfriends like shit but they get mad when they talk to other guys. what the fuck?

the main point im trying to get to is make her feel like shes the only girl in world. give her 110% of your attention. treat her like a queen(but dont get too carried away. alot of gold diggers out there these days). make her feel special. you know you accomplished your goal if she tells you that every time shes with you, she get butterflys in her stomach. hopefully youll feel the same way about her. i know that unfortunatley these things may not be enough for someone sometimes.and i hope that no one has the same thing happen to them as to me. "i dont need you anymore". the final stab in a dying heart. 

people watching

people watching. you do it. i do it. we all fucking do it. its hilarious and a great way to waste time. but asides from that, i use it as a time to look at the different behaviral patterns of our modern society and the current style and trends are. i also take into perspective what is considered "normal" or "average" these days.

everyday im amazed at what i find. so apparently, all theswe little high school kids are fucking emo, wanna-be hoodrats, moms, or just straight idiots. i almost feel sorry for these kids, but then i remember that they made a choice to be who they want to be, and they chose to be the losers that are part of the mainstream media. i mean really? who the fuck wants to dress like a skater that fucking saggs his pants too low and walks like he took a dump on himself? or wearing skinny jeans that barely let your balls breath? and why the hell is the mohawk so cool all of a sudden?! i wore that hairstyle before all these little kids! and im just getting started.

the music these days is just pure electronic garbage that all sounds the same. hip hop isnt what it used to be. what happened to the days of public enemy and NWA? what happened to tupac and Nas? those were the real soldiers of the struggle in the war we call life. they didnt talk about women, clothes and money. they talked about the social injustice and inequality of middle and lower class America. they were the men we sympathized with. all that has gone to shit now. i dont want to get too involved with todays music scene. but im just expressing my opinion.

there was also a new norm in America that has caught on like a plague. Teen pregnancy. it seems everywhere i go i see i teenage mom. two emotions cross my mind when i see them: pity and anger. pity because i feel that everyone has a great potential in them. even those who feel like they cant be succesful in life, can be. everyone is born with advantages and weaknesses, but they are also born with the power of choosing the life they live and EVERYONE HAS A FAIR SHOT AT LIFE. dont fuck it up. the anger comes from my conscious. you basically screwed your own life up and your kids'. good job.

i have plenty more of these topics, but this one got boring fairly quickly.

My quote of the night: Dont blame the world, blame yourself.

Hmm.

its been awhile since I've written anything. more like 3 years to be exact. in any case, blogs are supposed to be about whats on your mind, and in my case, thats every minute of every day. as i write this, im listtening to Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. the first thing that comes to mind is my home state of California. I MISS IT. Last time i went was back in april for my 20th birthday. i had a blast. and the most impoertant thing that i learned from my trip was that there was no need to spend an obscene amount of money to have a good time. i can tell you that half the time i was there, all i did was walk around. thats it. getting lost in the city of angels. the sunshine, the weather, the people, my family. that was all i needed, which is why this moment is important to me. it showed that that all you need is a creative mind and adventurous heart to have a good time. the message that I'm trying to get by here is: spend time with the people you most love and care about. No clubs, no alcohol, no smoking, none of that. just your friends. go out to the park, hang out at a friends house. BE TOGETHER AND HAVE FUN. i look back to my high school years and yes, there are some things that i wish i could have done but whats done is done. there's no turning back time. so as you go by your day with your special someone or anyone you really care about, take the time and say thank you for being here. you'll be surprised how much that can make someones day.