Amanecer A Tu Lado

queriendote en secreto,
amiga mia si supieras.
te entregaria todo,
y en amarte veras.

conversaciones en madrugada,
cuando estamos mas debil.
lo mas intimo contamos,
tu corazon tan fragil.

busco una manera,
por enseñar lo que siento,
pero ningun momento es corecto,
con cada dia voy perdiendo.

despues de cada vuelta,
me acuesto en mi cama.
y me pongo a pensar,
si de verdad me ama?

real mi pesadilla,
lo pudo ver cualquier ciego,
para ti nomas soy,
otro biejo amigo.

tu palabras como lluvia,
me senti abandonado.
pero debez en cuando sueño,
de amanecer a tu lado.



a weird fact for everyone: when i write in spanish, im listening to Alejandro Sanz. Guaranteed.  this poem is basically about  that moment when the girl you like has different ideas about your friendship. you guessed it, your stuck in the dreaded friend zone. i got plenty of experience there.

Double Talkin Jive

"we dedicate this song to people who tell you you can never fucking get anywhere with your life, this is a song called double talking jive motherfucker"

You Could Be Mine

I'm a cold heart breaker fit to burn
And I'll rip your heart in two
Then I'll leave you lyin' on the bed
I'll be out the door before you wake
It's nothin' new to you
'Cause I think we've seen that movie too

'Cause you could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nothin' done
I bet you could be mine

Now holidays come and then they go
It's nothin' new today like another memory
When I come home late at night
Don't ask me where I've been
Just count your stars I'm home again

'Cause you could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nothin' done
I bet you could be mine

You could be mine
You could be mine
You could be mine
You could be mine
You could be mine
Mine, mine, mine


Ooh, you've gone sketchin' too many times
Ooh, why don't you give it a rest?
Why must you find
Another reason to cry?

While you're breakin' down my back
An' I been rackin' out my brain
It don't matter how we make it
'Cause it always ends the same
You can push it for more mileage
But your flaps are wearin' thin
And I could sleep on it until mornin'
But this nightmare never ends

Don't forget to call my lawyers
With ridiculous demands
And you can take the pity so far
but it's more than I can stand
'Cause this couch trip's gettin' older
Tell me how long has it been?
'Cause five years is forever and
You haven't grown up yet

You could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nothin' done
I bet you could be, you should be, you could be mine

Yeah
You could be mine
You could be mine
You could be mine

 I thought I'd pay a little tribute to the greatest fucking band that ever existed, Guns N' Roses. every time i hear this song it reminds me of Terminator 2. that was the first time i heard Guns. Fuck i miss the 90's....

Serious Delirious

one word to describe your state of mind at this moment. Miserable. thats the word of the day. i look like hell and i feel like shit. my back is aching from stress, i wake up with headaches, and im living off of 4-6 hrs of sleep at night. perfect combination for a heart attack i must say. funny thing about all this: i dont have any bills to pay, im not married and i dont have kids. i have no major responsibilities. yet somehow i still manage to fuck things up for myself. im in the downward spiral of life right now.

this is the price i pay for thinking too much. there are somethings that i cant let go of. its like the harder i try to forget, the more i remember. ive never realized how important mental health is in your everyday life. supposedly, positive attitude brings positive outcomes. i think that's total bullshit. positive attitude only makes you an easy target for others to take advantage of your kindness. thats why i act like a bitter fucking old man. people these days are pure savages. they're like vultures that wait for an animal to die. its like once you reach the lowest you can possibly go, they come in for the kill and tear you apart. yet in a way, im trying to prove something to myself. i still have this hope, this tiny speck of hope, that i can change for the better. i want to have a genuine smile on my face. my whole life ive been this serious and expressionless kid. can you imagine living your life with same look of anger and intimidation since you were a baby?

at the same time i contradict myself. i always profess how much i despise people but im taking a job in law enforcement, aka cop. im going to be a public servant. its my DUTY to help people. but somehow im ok with that. im not very compassionate or sympathetic with others, but all the jobs ive had have been in customer service, helping people. its something that im ridiculously good at, yet i absolutely loathe. but to me what makes it worthwhile is when people take the time and say thank you. i guess that's really all i want, to be noticed. ive had to live my whole life in shadows and comparisons of others. ive stuck to my way of life and ive gone farther than i ever would of thought.  but not a single fuck was given when i helped anybody out. who was there when i needed them? im not looking for any praise or gratification. im just wanting to live my life to the point that the people i love are proud of me. you cannot underestimate the power of words. yea sticks and stones may break your bones but hurtful words can make you commit suicide. its already happened to two friends of mine.

with that being said, i know that im not perfect. i try to live a life that holds true to my beliefs. everything ive said i was going to do in my life, ive done. the one thing i cannot absolutely tolerate is a hypocrite. no one is perfect, i know that. but why the fuck would you tell someone you dont do something or you dont act a certain way, then a few days later your breaking your own rule? it especially pisses me if its something that you have control of and you can make a clear decision about it. i just remove myself from the situation and leave. i have not time for hypocrisy. all of us make decisions.analyze and think about the consequences of your actions. but most of all, be true to yourself. dont say one thing and do another. they say a person shows their true character when they make decisions when no one is looking.

this post was more of a rant than it was about a topic. writing is writing and its what i like. and by the way, people that read my blog, blogging does not make you a writer. that is the dumbest shit i have ever heard. bloggers have absolutely no writing ability whatsoever (like me). whoever said bloggers are writers must have the education of eight grader that flunked reading twice. as i told a co worker if mine the other day, writers get paid AND they get laid. i thought that was some pretty funny shit, that was my one-liner for the day. but seriously, bloggers write like if it was a diary. writers actually have creative talent. i write out of sheer pleasure. and i love how down to earth i am. i hate myself, i admit that im not good looking, and i take every compliment about me as sarcasm. for the record, thats why i hate compliments. i always take it as sarcasm and people making fun of me or trying to make me feel better. i know, im fucking crazy right? but oh well. i sense a walk around downtown tomorrow night. if you need me, ill be elaborating on the sociological tendencies of human beings when under crushing amounts of pressure and stress. im just fucking with you, im probably just going to mope around bayou next to the aquarium and mind my own business, as usual.