Miscellaneous

its been almost 3 weeks since my last post. at the time that im writing this, proper use of grammar is the last thing on my mind. these last 3 weeks ive been having a constant rush of deja vu every other day, like your ipod being stuck on repeat, the music being your life. flashing lights by kanye west comes to mind. i like to drive around downtown at night with the windows rolled down listening to that song. yes, i do listen to something else besides stoner tunes and satanic metal bands. i have a broad taste in music, thank you.

im really burnt out of fresh ideas to write about. people come on here to their blog to bitch about their life, and remarkably...i am no exception. it seems that's a major topic in all social media outlets. me, me, me ,me. let me talk about me and how shitty my life is because of my own mistakes. fuck my life, why does life hate me, etc etc. nobody gives a shit about you or problems, lets start with that. people are like leeches, they want to suck all the pity out of you to make themselves feel better. back to the original statement, ive drawn out and milked as much as i possibly could on the romance poems. i feel like a retard, not just because i think im horrible at it, but who the FUCK am i writing this to? i feel that all the shit that i write is cliche and tasteless, with little or no imagination (much less effort), put into it. what you all read is the finished product of things i cant let go. why i cant let it go is anybody's guess.and a quick shout out to everyone who keeps reading my shit after so long. i hope my pointless rants and infinite cover of  apathy make your day more enjoyable, since hate rants are my specialty of course.

 in all honesty,  im surprised i haven't gone crazy yet. there's not enough social interaction in my outside life. by outside, i mean outside of work and school. i have no one to talk to. now, im not gonna say i dont have any friends, because i know i do, somewhere, but i have no one to hang out with. everyone seems to just walk away from me without even saying goodbye. this is probably why i write here. i dont know who reads these posts, but i guess in a way its almost like talking to someone that doesnt answer you back. i really just need a fresh start. i say 50% of me wanting to move back to L.A. again is because i have nothing and no one here. and everyone says "you have your family here". yeah, no shit, but im not going to live with them forever. i want to do my own thing  in my hometown. everything here in houston reminds me of someone i dont want to see or an event that i want to forget. ive realized that true friends are hard to come by, and i dont think ive met any just yet, obviously if i have i'd be talking to them. a fresh start would be nice right about now. 

 i had the same dream the other night. its starts off with me answering the door to my studio apartment in Hollywood, CA. there was a friendly knock so i decide to check it out. to my surprise, an old friend of mine was on the other side. i was so happy because 1.) i hadn't seen her in months and 2.) she took the time to come out to the west coast and visit me. i value peoples time a lot, so i was really appreciative. in the end, she ended up staying a few days at my place and i showed her around. downtown L.A, hollywood, and venice beach were the main attractions. i swear it was so real, i could feel the cold sea breeze hitting my face and ears when we walked around venice at night. i enjoyed her company and we had a lot of fun just talking. the dream ends when we say goodnight on her last night and i go to sleep in my room. when i wake up, im in reality. i felt like total shit the rest of the day. i was hoping to wake up in my apartment, but instead i was greeted by my brother poking me and telling me to wake up or i'll be late for work. sometimes the dream is all we have left.   

Emo-Punk

you have something to say to me?
come say it to my face.
shit talking gets you nowhere,
but let me put you in your place.

to you im an emo-punk,
and i need to go out more.
that i need to get in trouble,
but what the fuck for?

so im a bitch because i dont like,
all the same shit you do?
i sense the anger in your tone,
and the hate you always spew.

im not like other people,
like the guys you always hoed.
who let you borrow money?
when your piece of shit got towed.

you think you live a good life,
just boning different hoes.
while i was taking trips to Spain,
your mom still washed your clothes.

hate me all you want,
im just another emo-punk.
but dont think that ive forgotten,
that time you called your ex's house drunk.

im nothing like you or your friends,
i told you from the start.
my morals and my conscience,
are what pull us  both apart.

you're more successful than me?
your just on an ego binge.
go read a book once in awhile,
because your english makes me cringe.

you still got shit to say?
like how much my life sucks?
remember who was there,
when no one gave two fucks.



i usually try to not write about a specific person in my posts, but fuck it. im tired of this piece of shit asshole talking shit to me like he's some kind of celebrity. I fucking hate how everyone i know has this live fast, die young philosophy all the while they life sad, pathetic, unaccomplished lives. what the fuck is so great about that? im doing more shit now than most adults do in their whole lives. im enjoying life at my own pace and the way i want to live. there is no way im going down the same path everyone else is. say what you want, but in the end, im happier than you will ever fucking be.