to all of you that read my shit, im sorry i havent posted anything. ive been busy with alot of things and im just trying to get my head together. i havent been thinking much about anything lately. my uncle is in town from Cali. i love how we all laugh and smile as a family again. i never really had this feeling come up, but it feels good. im happy. but its not only because of my family. alot of unexpected things have happened last week, and i tried to make the most of them. this past week i felt something i hadnt felt in years. carefree. i genuinely feel happy. im happy that i can be there (most of the time, but unfortunately i missed spaghetti night) with my friends. i love those random times we make things happen.
i hate christmas. with a passion. its just another day you set your expectations high only to have reality fall short. fuck all these holiday festivities. it feels like a normal day to me. i didnt give a damn about christmas this year. but im not going to ruin it for everybody like i usually do. i sat this one out. i was neutral. i didnt want to piss anyone off. i didnt get anything from my parents, which i expected, but its ok. i did what i wanted this year. and thats more than enough.
i hate myself right now. alot. i cant finish this fucking blog. and its pissing me off. its frustrating me. i feel like my brain is holding back what it wants to say. i know what i want to say. i cant write it out though. i need some coffee fuck.fuck.fuck.
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