If not now, when?

for once in a long time, im tired. i feel exhausted. the only thing thats been keeping me going is coffee. and thats poison to your health. ive been cutting down on that shit. tomorrow though, i start clean. no more. i hope that everyone reading my blogs has enjoyed them as much as i have writing them. i hope that by reading these little rants you guys get to know me better and know how i think. but most importantly is that i hope i inspire each and everyone of you. i want everyone to do something out of their comfort zones and express themselves. the greatest freedom we have is freedom of expression.

i pride myself in saying that im no ordinary guy. i know it, and i understand it. but im not cocky though. i understand that god has given me the intelligence to overcome every problem, the self control to reject all temptations, and the open mindedness to understand the world. i wish that i could share the success i have had in my still short life with all my friends and family. i really do. but things never work as planned, so thats why you plan for the unexpected. tonights blog isnt about a damn thing. i felt like i needed a break from all the crazy social dilemmas happening in our world. what im writing about tonight is out of pure instinct. im writing what i feel, and i feel good. i feel good knowing that im not a nobody that has everything done for them. i feel good writing about what i feel again. i feel good that im reconnecting with some special people that have touched my life. but most of all, i feel good knowing that i am more successful than the people that always made fun of me.

i'll admit it openly, i was a complete loser in high school. i didnt fit into any social circle, i had no friends, and i was lonely all the time. but all that helped shape me into who i am today. today i feel like i can do anything. i took a vacation to my home city Los Angeles for my birthday alone, with my own money i saved. i recently made the pilgrimage to Madrid by myself, to watch my favorite soccer team. i have my own things. i have my own money. i have nice things now that i didnt have in high school. now my enemies are begging me to help them. they all made fun of me for the correct decisions that i made in high school. now i have more than they do, and they are embarrassed to ask me for help. who got the last laugh now? the weird thing is though, i still try and help. i believe that for us to see the better things in life we have to live through the shittiest of moments. we should all give a helping hand to one another, no matter what your past is.

to end tonight's post, i feel content where i am now in life. i have grown alot in the last 5 years. ive learned that one shouldnt give a fuck what people think, because in the end, theyre just another loser. alot of life lessons have been learned, and i write about them almost daily. but one moment this summer has really stuck to me. i love walking downtown at night. it vaguely takes me back to LA. Well one time i walked past a bum asking for money. as usual, i just ignored him. what he said next still keeps up at night: "hey man! maybe one day you'll need help!" holy shit. those words pierced right through me. i felt like garbage the rest of the night. i began to think to myself "he's right". one day i will be overwhelmed by something i cant handle on my own, and i feel like im going to panic and mess up.i hope i can be prepared for that day, because if not now, when?