Change

i hate those moments in life when you know that something will never be the same again. it gives me that nauseous feeling that your going to puke mixed with a knot in your stomach. you become so accustomed to a person or a way of life that you dont know how to function without them. i try to do everything i can to forget that feeling. i work my ass off, i go run, write in this blog, etc. i feel like im overstaying my time here, and the fucked up part is im trying to do things and be at peace with myself and with family and friend(s?) when its almost too late.

the thing about my situation is, i know the change is coming. i know things wont be the same for me after i turn 22 in april. a new chapter of my life is about to start. i wish i can take everyone i love and care about with me, because without them im just a normal person. i NEED them. I NEED you. everyone that has touched my life in one way or the other, i need you. but i'll be happy where im going, i know i will. here's the catch though, i wont have anyone to enjoy it with. ive always been the type of person that prefers to be alone, not be bothered, and i mind my own business. but it fucking sucks being far away from the people who know you and love you and call you funny nicknames that count as inside jokes as well. i'll miss that the most. i know im not the most affectionate person out there, but i do enjoy it when people make their appreciation for me and what i do known to me.

i dont know if its just me and i think too much, or im over-exaggerating this shit, but every day that passes by, at the end of the night, im thinking about the day that i pack up my bags and leave. that's what hurts me the most, but i guess good things always come out of the bad. now im in a situation where i want to leave, i want to start over, i want a new life, but im just now finding myself meeting some great new people and making new friends. this always happens. but thats life i guess. we have to adapt to a different way of living if we expect to survive.

i dont even know what the hell im saying anymore. all i know is that i truly wish i can stay because of the people here, but i cant reach my goals if i stay. every moment i spend with everyone i really do cherish, even if it doesnt look like it. i guess change is good for everybody, if you know how to handle it.