Otherside

i got nothing today. i came back home from my routine drive and i got nothing. today was more of a day to reflect upon rather than write. or it couldve been i was too busy thinking about the girl that works at smoothie king, but asides from that, i am brain dead. these last few days have been everything but exciting. i feel like everyday of my life is put on repeat. its the same routine, in and out, all day, every fucking day. sometimes i wake up nauseous just thinking that i have to get up and get my ass to work.

enough about me and my morning  sickness, i sound like a pregnant woman. i think this is the second time ever that ive just written for the fun of it. it feels good. its like every word i say is transcribed into my computer. im having a conversation with myself. how pathetic can i get? i always catch myself answering my own questions. i am that lonesome.

its hard trying to go to sleep. i have tried plenty of things to get my ass to knock out without tossing and turning to no avail. i dont know where exactly i got this thing in my head that doesnt let me sleep. there is a saying that i have to myself that may be the reason why i can get any shut eye. in my mind, every moment that im awake, i have to do something productive. thats why im always looking for something to do. i feel that if i just sit around and relax for a moment, im wasting my life. to most people this may sound absurd, but those are the words i live by. and it gets me to the main point. if i go to sleep, i may miss something in life. ironically, ive thought about this over and over, at night, when im supposed to be asleep. what could possibly be so important that i have to lose sleep over it? but i guess my drive to be productive is a good thing and a bad thing. the good being im motivated to get something accomplished every moment that i am awake, like writing this blog post. the bad being that i over obsess having to do something productive while im awake, to the point i lose sleep. thats basically my sleeping pattern in a nutshell.

whatever our obssesions and worries are, we have to face them head on, full force. it doesnt matter how terrible a situation may seem, just remember that your not alone. within this past year ive come to learn that even though i try to do everything by myself, i have learned to ask for help when needed. it used to be that i felt like a nuisance whenever i did ask, but thats the way that we learn. if we dont understand something, ask. whats the worst that can happen? we shouldnt keep our problems to ourselves either. when we need someone, ask. im pretty sure we all have someone who would love to listen, i know i would. dont run away, your just prolonging the inevitable.