plenty of times in my life this has stood true. im not going into detail about who i was with at the time, but it felt like a genuine relationship where we both cared about each other. i think the first mistake i made though was letting myself fall in love with someone that didnt want the same things i wanted. thats when things get too deep, and before you realize it, you wont accept that your overly obsessed with that person. i was way too young and naive to think that i could hold a serious relationship when i wasnt even old enough to drive on my own yet.
and then i thought to myself, how do i know im in love, if ive never been in love before? this question always makes me insecure about myself, because i mean, everyone has felt butterflies in their stomach when they see their crush, but how do we know when we are in love? what makes this person different than everybody else in your past? i guess i dont know if i have ever really been in love or just overly obsessed. love is something you feel towards another person whether they are there with you or not. its not just the butterflies. its the nervousness you get on the bus when you go to school and you know you will see them when you get there. its the warm feeling you get inside when you say to yourself "no matter how shitty my day is, I know that they love me". its knowing that you will always have someone to ask you how your day was even though they already know how it was because they were with you all day. and yes, i know, i contradicted myself in this paragraph, fucking sue me.
we get so attached to someone alot of times just to escape what we are going through in life or at home. we look for love in the wrong places, and most of the time those decisions change the rest of our lives. its sad to see people take advantage of anothers' love just to satisfy their own lust. and most of the time, the woman is left to clean up the mess he made. i think that's one of the most horrible things anyone can do, and this is coming from a 21 year old guy with self-esteem and self-loathe issues. i could never hurt someone i love. if you love someone then you would whatever it takes to make them happy, no matter what. if they are happy, we should be too. its common sense when written on paper, but in real life its like russian roulette, we just have to be lucky that the person we're with thinks the same way.
and as i have said before, there are no happy endings in any of my stories. i dont know what happened, or why it happened, all i know is that there was nothing i could fucking do about it. things start going downhill, it starts with both of you seeing and talking less to each other. then it becomes the on/off relationship. it escalates to complete uninterest in one of you, and before you know it, your left all alone on the week you were going to ask her to prom. it sucks, i know. but the worst part is the time leading up to you two separating. you wonder why the other person is acting so different, and you suspect they dont love you anymore. the idea seems preposterous to you, so you dont think much of it, maybe they're having a bad week. then your blind sided with devastating news. your suspicions were right, they dont love you anymore, and they dont want anything to do with you. neither one of you know what to do, so you blame each other for not working it out. because to both of you, sorry seems to be the hardest word.
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