Honesty

put yourself in a compromising position. if you lie to someone about certain situation to spare their feelings, arent you doing more bad than good? but if you say nothing and they found out you knew, your looked at as a traitor and disloyal. what do you do? what do you do when you see an accident about to happen and you have the power to stop it, but at the expense of someones safety? do you let 1 die to save 3? do you cut off the finger to save the hand?

what most people see as pessimism in me i see as common sense. ive learned how to be a clear thinker, emotions no match for my developed judgement. i didnt get this way overnight though. years of experience and meticulous social research have all brought me to the same conclusion: there are no happy endings in life. the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can embrace the vast amount of knowledge you never knew existed. at a young age, i realized people were too sensitive to have their opinion criticized, no matter who you are in society. everyone fears social acceptance, yet they do whatever they can to be noticed or acknowledged. you see an example of these kind of people everywhere, theyre what we call the "cool" kids. the kids you hear about earning minimum wage for the rest of their lives. i made it a hobbie to put these kids into place. every time they opened their mouth i always followed them up with something sarcastic and insulting, but subtle enough they didnt realize what i said. they never did notice, but everyone else did. thats when it began. my open opinions and the sarcastic answers were all part of role i was playing. i was so good people even gave me a nickname: asshole.

how did i get this way you ask? imagine, living most of your life as a shadow. the random guy at the party who looks lost and out of place. some people i know since 3rd grade dont even know my name, and i went to middle school and high school with them. i at least have the courtesy of knowing their full name and something memorable about them. after moving high schools, this hobbie of mine became a full addiction. by the time it became part of my personality, it had spread through me like cancer. as a kid your taught that if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything. i thought the opposite. people need to hear your honest opinion, not only because you want to put them in their place, but because people need a reality check. sometimes you have to destroy someone so bad they reflect on themselves. in the long run, theyll see the hidden message. i learned not to get emotionally attached to anything or anyone, im still afraid of how vulnerable i can still be.   

no one has ever cared about what i had to say. not at home, school, work , but i learned to live with it and accept it. as a teen i didnt know how to approach anyone i knew and talk about what i wanted to say. for me its hard enough to make friends, let alone being comfortable telling someone not well known to me. i felt like i could manage on my own, because c'mon, what kind guy talks about his feelings right? i became desensitized to what was vulgar and offensive. my answers always had a sarcastic, matter of fact kind of tone. i evolved into a know it all. the ultimate front for the insecure, or in my case, the sadist. the main reason i am the way i am is simple. i like seeing people suffer emotionally from my answers and forcing people to open their minds. the people that look for my honest opinions will tell you that i dont hold back. common sense is what i live by, not what the heart wants.