Venice Queen

it feels good to feel good again. the last few days have been nothing short of amazing, with the exception of some wicked sleep deprivation, but thats nothing new. although i think this feeling of goodness may not last long, im savoring every moment of it, like a fat kid eating chocolate. jokes aside, i feel a little better about myself. im not AS angry as i was this time last week, but im working on it. sometimes it takes long ass walk downtown and a badass friend to help you realize your not a complete waste of human DNA. im pretty sure my friend is reading this, and i want to tell her thank you for taking the time and dissecting the part of me that i keep locked up. and yes i will definitely read Inferno, right after i finish reading Jurassic Park, which has taken me over 6 fucking months and counting. i'll get to it, i promise!

back to the subject, i felt angry last week because i felt like a nobody to someone i was always there for. how do you fucking cope with that? i mean, i spent alot of time trying to help that person and they end up doing the exact opposite of the advice i gave them. im not saying my way is always right, im just saying think with your head, not with your heart. i am sick and tired of hearing that bullshit. thinking with your heart is one of the absolute dumbest fucking things you can do. it makes your problems that much worse. common sense is what is going to get you through life. luck is also a factor. anyway, i felt like pure dogshit being in a group of immature hipsters in their social circle. in case they didnt know, i did not belong there. 

i was just a ghost to them that day. it was so awkward not being socially part of a group while being physically there. back to this person, i tried my hardest to be the best friend i could be. right when im tryingto give society and people a second chance, i realize that no one gives a fuck about your effort. no one appreciates your time. apparently to her, me sneaking out of my house at 2am to hang out and talk didnt mean a damn thing. i just cant help to think all the time that i wasted trying to be a good person. for what? i felt like an idiot last week when i reread all her text messages. some friend she turned out to be. funny shit is this isnt the first time to happen. it always happens to me. ive noticed people always promise that they will stay in touch no matter how far away. bullshit promise, and i have experience to prove it. as soon as someone doesnt need you, they stop talking to you like you never existed.

im not letting that get to me again. im currently comfortable with myself, for now. life goes on, as cheesy as that sounds. life lesson for today: please tell your friends how much you appreciate them. simple things like that let people know that your being genuine and sincere. so here it is: to my friend, the one who i've hung out with these last few days, thank you. thank you for listening to my rants, thank you for reading my blog, thank you for taking time out of your day to hangout with me. thank you for laughing at my epic fail trying to sing Cant Stop on the way back home.

but most of all, thank you being a part of my life.