Loneliness Is Underrated

to whom this may concern,

fuck it i'll get straight to the point. over the course of these last couple of months ive felt lonelier than ive ever been. this is due to the fact that i spend more time in my head than i am in reality. im stressing over things that i can take my time on. i always put everyone else before me, and i will continue to do that, but this time i have to come first. i have alot at stake at the moment, and i cant afford to mess up. if anyone that i know is reading this, thanks for reading. seeing on my stats that people really do read my entries makes me happy. you really do make a difference. unfortunaely, the severity of my loneliness is whats keeping me from sleeping at night. how i will fix that, im not sure yet, but i always find a way. self realization is a painful experience that i wish no one has to go through, but it helps you grow. this post will be just that.

i knew i had a problem. i was very well aware of it. i just didnt know how severe it was. i was on vacation recently. i wanted to go out and go to museums and to parks and all other kinds of bullshit. it was a friday, so i decided to go out to the store and pick up a few CD's. by this time it was barely 11am, and i had done everything i needed to that day. thats when it hit me. i started to drive out west, and during the whole time, i thought to myself, i have absolutely no one to talk to or hang out with. that was one of the ugliest feelings ive ever felt. this whole week went to waste and i had done absolutely nothing. i  had no one to visit, had no one to talk to, nothing. emptiness took over and filled me up like a bottle of water. how far gone had i been to realize this until now?

   
that's part of the reason why im here writing my ass off. maturity is starting to kick in and im learning how to prioritize my life. another part is that i have to focus on myself instead of trying to write something that doesnt apply to me. ive written about the same subject too many times. every time i write on here my mind goes back to memories that i would much rather forget. part of the reason i started to write on here was to help me get over a few things that had been bothering me. again, unfortunately its done just the opposite. my inability to overcome these memories and emotions just further solidify my reason to stop writing. i will still leave this blog up so people can read past posts, and once in awhile, i will return to check up on it. with that being said, take this post as the obituary to my blog, because as of today, i will no longer be writing anything, anywhere. maybe forever.